Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Boys of Summer

ok, so remember how much pussy jack osbourne got even though he was a fat ugly child just because he's jack osbourne? well, imagine the pussy to come (no pun intended) now that he woke up one day and became hot. sometime after his rehab stint, he decided to sign up for rock climbing or tai chai kee kung fu los kick-kick fighting or something and on top of 2 weeks worth of daily colonics (or something) he worked out rigorously. apparently he's given up on booze, drugs, and cigarettes. here he is folks.

man - what a kick in the face. now i just feel even more useless and fat.

moving on - let me briefly talk about one thing i am interested to see come out of Brangelina. yep - i'm talking about it. i vehemetly denied it was true for months; brad is a golden child to me, how could he do me wrong? i denied it when the pictures of them in english countryside were all over the news. i denied it until brad called me up and said, "listen friend, i'm banging the hottest female on earth, could you at least be happy for me?" so here i am, admitting what's right in front of all of our faces (sorry jennifer - go team aniston!). anyway, about the Brangelina thing; let's talk about brad's significant ex's:

juliette lewis
gwyneth paltrow
jennifer aniston

what do these women have in common, besides bedding brad pitt? well - they've all been featured in melissa etheridge videos, my friends. not sure what kind of swapping goes on between brad and melissa, but at the very least, his ladies do videos [snicker]. juliette's schizophrenic portrayl in "come to my window", gwyneth's hysterical and hreatbroken portrayal in "i want to come over" and jennifer's coy, girl-chatty-up gig in "i want to be in love". so clearly, next up in a melissa video is angelina.

my advice - tammy lynn, be present at all times. i love angelina just as much as the rest, if not more, but i would not trust that woman around my significant other. not only because i know my SO would jump angelina's bones without hesitation, but i don't think angelina would resist.


Blogger Tea said...

Dude. Jack Osbourne is not nor was he EVER hot.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Stretch said...


12:16 PM  
Blogger Tea said...

um, do you know me?


7:02 PM  

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